Why I Am
by fredesrojo
Summary: Jibbs AU. Gibbs never joined NCIS after Shannon and Kelly's deaths. Jenny is a part-time intelligence analyst for the FBI. What happens when they meet?


1. First Impressions

Jennifer Shepard felt strangely nostalgic as she watched the crew of workmen swarm over her home with ladders and scaffolding. She had lived in this home since childhood, and yet couldn't remember a time when it had been remodeled or updated, but now was the time. Spurred on by the death of her father, the last surviving member of the Shepard family had decided it was high time to remodel the old house on M Street.

It was a motley crew that followed Thomas Morrow up her front lawn to the porch that morning, ranging from a few burly musclemen to a thin reedy teenager. All told, there were fifteen of them, clad in Fornell-Morrow Construction t-shirts; their heavy work boots and tool belts adding to the rugged handyman look.

She probably wouldn't have taken notice of him, had he not been the only worker there besides Tom older than thirty. He was obviously ex-military, if his ramrod straight posture was anything to go by, although his shaggy salt and pepper hair and thick beard stood evidence to the fact that he definitely wasn't active duty. Bright blue eyes shone out of his well-tanned face, which he kept inexplicably canted to the side, hiding the right side of his face from close view.

Jenny hadn't heard him speak more than two or three short sentences at one time, he seemed well able to communicate what he needed done with a mere glance at his fellow workers, though he conversed easily in Spanish with the roofers. He was one of the few who worked shirtless, showcasing a well-tanned and muscular body, though not excessively so. He tended more towards lean muscle than bulk, with strong shoulders and a flat stomach.

"He is a rather odd one, isn't he?" Tom Morrow's quiet British accent cut rapidly across her thoughts. "Jethro's been working for Tobias and I for nearly fifteen years now." The old contractor smiled slightly as his blue-grey eyes surveyed the men working. "He's a Marine."

Jenny chuckled softly along with him, her emerald eyes still fixed on the intriguing man working on her roof. "Once a Marine, always a Marine, that's what Dad used to say."

"Well, your father and I met quite a few Marines back in the day. Jethro, though…I don't know exactly how he came to be here, he just showed up at my office one day asking for a job, said his C.O. told him to come looking for me after he was discharged." Morrow noted her continued gaze on the Marine, another slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "He's one of the best workers I've got, and all he asks for in return is a place to stay at the office."

"He doesn't have a home?" She flicked her gaze over to her father's longtime friend, her eyebrows knit in surprise.

Tom shook his head, returning his gaze to the workers moving about the house, keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings. "No. I'm not even entirely sure he owns a car. Besides his tool belt, all I've ever seen Jethro carry is his camp bag. He walks everywhere he needs to go, won't accept a ride from one of the men unless it's to a job site. Tobias and I have been letting him run his own handyman business to the side, and he even walks to those jobs. He's been this way as long as I've known him."

"And you've never once asked about it?"

"Tobias tried to, once, and Jethro disappeared for a month. We had trouble at our work sites that month, most of the men look up to him as a sort of de facto foreman. He showed up on the first of the next month, asked me rather politely to just let him do his job and leave it at that. We haven't touched the subject since." He raised one shoulder in a half shrug. "I think it seems fair, the man just doesn't want to be bothered."

"Well, yes, I suppose…so you just trust him to sleep in your offices every night?"

"Jennifer, he's not a bloody bank robber, for Christ's sake, he's a Marine, and a damn loyal man at that. I would honestly trust Jethro with my life. Tobias trusts him to watch Emily, and you know how he dotes on her." He gave her a mild glare, reminiscent of her younger days.

Jenny conceded his point with a half nod, raising her shoulder in a shrug. She knew how protective Tobias Fornell was of his young daughter Emily. If Tobias trusted this Jethro to watch his daughter, then he was obviously a good man to have around. "I understand, I guess it just seems a little unorthodox to me."

Morrow nodded calmly, still watching his workers. "Jethro's a good man; it just seems he's had some bad luck." He abruptly stopped, raising his hands to his mouth to give a sharp whistle.

Up on the roof, Jethro immediately stopped working, hooking his hammer back in his tool belt as he turned to face Tom. Morrow motioned a few times with his hand, prompting the Marine to begin the climb down from the roof.

"Something wrong, sir?" Now that he was up close, Jenny could hear the gruff baritone Jethro spoke in, his face still tilted slightly to the side.

"I realize you vouched for Sergei and Nikolai, but I would still prefer it if you had them work the ground crew for a few more jobs. I'd feel responsible if they got injured working up on the roof." Morrow nodded towards the thin teenager and his companion, a somewhat taller blonde haired man.

Jethro blinked slowly, nodding after a moment. "Yes, sir." He turned to face the house again, calling out sharply in Russian to the two workers, who immediately began heading down to join the ground crew. "Anything else you need, Mr. Morrow?"

"No, that will be all, but I'd rather you take a break right now. You worked overtime all last week. When was the last time you slept?"

Jethro glanced down at the ground, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Um, Friday afternoon." He swallowed nervously at the irritated look that flashed across Tom's face. "I'll, uh, go take a nap in the truck, sir. Miguel can run things up there for an hour or two."

Jenny shook her head. "Nonsense, you're not going to be sleeping in a truck if you're running about on top of my house. You can sleep on the couch in the family room, it's got a foldout."

He glanced up and met her gaze for the first time, his ears coloring with embarrassment. "Oh, no, ma'am, I couldn't do that, I'll be just fine in the truck."

"You'll do no such thing, Jethro Gibbs. Jennifer is an old family friend, and I'll not have you refuse an offer from her. Go, get some sleep, I'll have one of the men come wake you _if_ we need anything."

Jethro still looked as if he wanted to argue, but he apparently decided it wasn't worth it, turning around towards the house. "Lead the way, Miss."

He followed Jenny into the house silently, removing his boots and tool belt by the front door. She had already turned down the sheets on the foldout couch by the time he found his way to the living room, looking up at him with a gentle smile. "Here you go, all set."

Jethro nodded uncertainly, settling down on the bed with the right side of his face still well hidden in the pillow. "Thanks."

Jenny murmured a soft reply, turning to go in the kitchen to retrieve some snack and drinks for the men, to combat the heat. She pulled out a tray of sandwiches Naomi made from the fridge and grabbed a few pitchers for drinks. She was in the process of getting a stack of disposable cups rather high up in one of her cabinets when a soft yelp from the living room garnered her attention.

Jethro was tossing and turning in his sleep, clearly troubled by something, his fists clenched tight in the sheets. "No…Shannon…no, no…don't go, please don't go."

Jenny watched him uncertainly from the doorway, unsure of what to do. She stepped forward into the room after another moment of indecision, but was brought up short as he flailed in his sleep again, finally turning the right side of his face towards the light. She muffled a silent gasp, staring.

His face was marred by a rather horrific looking scar on the right side, extending from just under his cheekbone towards his ear. The thick beard somewhat disguised it, but Jenny could clearly see why Jethro Gibbs never looked directly at a person.

Jethro gave another muffled whimper in his sleep, galvanizing Jenny back into action. She hurried out of the room and back to the kitchen, where she set two sandwiches and a glass of lemonade in the fridge before taking the rest outside.

Tom called the men down from their work, distributing the sandwiches and drinks calmly, before taking a seat beside Jenny. "Something on your mind, Jennifer?"

She flushed and avoided his gaze, staring down at the glass in her hands. Tom sighed heavily, nudging her with his elbow. "You saw his scar, I take it."

Jenny blinked at the blunt reference to the horrific looking injury. "How can you be so…so…blasé' about it? Jesus, Tom, it looks like someone took a knife to his face."

"I can talk about it so calmly because I've known the man for fifteen years and I know for a fact that drawing attention to the damn thing makes him extremely uncomfortable, which is why I _don't _normally talk about it. And no, it's not a knife wound, looks like a gunshot wound, actually. It was still freshly stitched up the first time I met him, which leads me to believe it was part of his medical discharge from the Marines." Morrow spoke calmly, fixing another stern stare on her. "Another thing: if you know what's best for you, Jennifer, you won't ask about it, and for God's sake, don't treat him any differently."

"And the nightmares?"

"A form of PTSD, if I'm not mistaken. Your father used to get them quite often when we were on leave in Europe. I hear it's getting more common with the veterans of Desert Storm." Tom glanced over at her again, looking slightly weary. "He never sleeps, honestly. He just sort of…naps, I suppose you could call it…short little naps with a lot of bad dreams in between."

"Hm. He…he was calling out to a woman, someone named Shannon." Jenny took a long sip of lemonade, staring down at the glass again.

"Haven't the faintest clue who she is, my dear, though I've heard him calling out for her in his sleep before." He lifted his shoulders in a half shrug. "Can I ask why you're so interested in him all of a sudden?"

Jenny sighed, chewing her lip as she thought. "I…I don't know. He sort of reminds me of Uncle Will, before he…died. I guess…I just don't want to see another person go the same way Dad and Uncle Will did. Jethro seems…consumed by whatever it is that's plaguing his dreams."

Morrow nodded after a moment, finishing off his lemonade. "I don't think he's suicidal, if that's what you mean. And Will didn't kill himself; we caught the schizophrenia before then. Jethro's got a terrible past, that much is evident, but I'd like to think he's strong enough to have pushed through it. He's a good man, scars or no scars."

Jenny nodded standing and brushing herself off. "Well, I'm going to go see if he wants to eat anything."

Tom stood with her, setting his glass back on the tray she had brought out. "Jen…don't mention that you saw that scar. He's an extremely private man, and I'm sure he's embarrassed by it, the way he hides his face."

She nodded vaguely, taking the empty tray back into the house. Jethro was already sitting up on the bed when she walked through the family room, rubbing tired hands over his face. "Are you hungry, Mr. Gibbs?" She offered him a small smile, pausing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I, um…yeah, a little." He flushed, glancing down at the floor uncomfortably. "You don't have to go to any trouble, ma'am, I'm sure there's sandwiches or something in the truck."

"Oh, no, my maid made some sandwiches and lemonade for all of you; it's no trouble at all." Jenny smiled at him again before disappearing into the kitchen, returning after a moment with the sandwiches and a glass of lemonade.

Jethro smiled uncertainly, taking the food with muttered thanks. "I'll just eat these outside, I should probably get back out there."

"Nonsense. Eat first, Tom said to send you back out after you'd eaten something." She shook her head, pushing on his shoulder when he moved to stand.

They sat in silence as Jethro ate the food, draining the glass of lemonade as he finished. "There. Um…thank you, ma'am, for the bed and the food."

"Not a problem." She took the empty plates from his hands with another gentle smile, watching as he trooped back outside.

Tom leaned against her car keeping a watchful eye on the workers when Jenny reappeared outside. She joined him at the car, squinting up at the roof. "He's got twice the work ethic of anyone else I've ever met. You and Tobias got yourselves a lucky find there, Tom."

"Yes, we certainly did. Jethro's a good man. I'm waiting for the day he decides to go off and start his own business. He's certainly got the experience, and all of his handyman customers give glowing reviews."

Jenny frowned and shook her head. "Somehow, I don't think he'd be comfortable running his own business. He seems too loyal for that, to just leave you and start up on his own."

"Well, I'm certainly not complaining." Morrow shaded his eyes with a hand as he looked over the roof crew again. "When and if he decides to move on, I'm not going to stand in his way."

* * *

She saw Jethro Gibbs for the second time at a barbeque hosted by Tobias and Tom for their biggest customers a few months later. He looked extremely uncomfortable wearing pressed button-down and khaki slacks, keeping his callused hands firmly stuffed in his pockets. He kept mainly to himself, standing in a slightly secluded corner of the yard, the scar on the right side of his face well hidden in the shadow.

"It's nice to see you again, Mr. Gibbs." Jenny ambled over to his corner with two glasses of lemonade, smiling brightly. "Tom still working you to the bone?"

Jethro started, having missed her approach. "Oh. It's, um, nice to see you too, Miss Shepard." He smiled weakly, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. "Mr. Morrow's a great boss, ma'am. I never have any problems with him or Mr. Fornell."

"I was only kidding around, Mr. Gibbs. I know Tom's a good man. For one thing, he's my godfather, and he's essentially my adopted uncle."

"Oh. Right. I knew that." Jethro took a long drink of the lemonade, his gaze fixed on a small group of children playing happily on the Morrow's back deck. Jenny noticed an almost wistful look glistening in his eyes as he watched the children.

"So, Tom tells me you do handyman work occasionally?"

"Hm? What?" He blinked, looking over at her. "Oh. Yeah, I do a little work on the side for some people."

"Well, I've been having some serious problems with my water heater. Tom said I might have you take a look, rather than paying an arm and a leg for some half-rate plumbing service. Would you mind? I'll pay you double whatever your rate is."

"Yeah, sure I can take a look at it. I—I don't need the money though, if you're Tom's goddaughter, I'll just do it as a favor."

Jenny shook her head vehemently. "You'll do no such thing. I insist you take the pay."

Jethro shuffled his feet uncomfortably, shrugging his broad shoulders. "Alright, ma'am, whatever you say. It's really no trouble."

"Great! I'll come pick you up from the office on Monday." She fixed him with a mild glare. "And don't tell me you'll walk all the way to my house from Tom's, it's nearly five miles."

He chuckled, tapping two fingers to his forehead in a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

"Uncle Jethro!" Emily Fornell ran up, a wide smile stretched across her tiny face. "You came!"

Jethro's whole demeanor changed as the little girl hugged his legs tightly. It was as if years had been washed away, a wide grin spreading across his face, his eyes sparkling with new light. "'Course I did, Em, I wouldn't miss a chance to see the prettiest little girl in all of Virginia." He knelt, wrapping his arms around her small frame to lift her off the ground. "How's my favorite girl?"

"I lost a tooth!" Emily stretched her grin wide, pointing out the small gap in her bottom teeth. "The Tooth Fairy came and gave me two whole dollars!"

"Whoa, two dollars? Wow, that must've been one good tooth, Em." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead with a smile. "You feelin' any more loose ones?"

"Nope, though Daddy said I'd probly start losin' more teeth now that this one's gone." She shook her head solemnly, probing at a few other teeth with her tongue. She smiled and waved at Jenny, brushing a few stray curls that fell out of her ponytail out of her face. "Hi, Aunt Jenny. You know Uncle Jethro?"

"Yep, he came and worked on a few things at my house with Uncle Tom and Mr. Miguel." Jenny smiled back. "Looks like you're growing up real big, little girlie. You'll have to come visit more with your daddy and Uncle Tom."

"Down, Uncle Jethro, I want down." Emily wriggled in his grip, intending on getting down to give Jenny a hug. "Lemme down, Uncle Jethro!"

Jethro laughed hollowly, seeming strangely reluctant to let the girl down. "Alright, but give us a kiss before you go, kiddo." He smiled as Emily leaned forward, pressing her tiny lips against his bearded cheek with a giggle, letting her down gently on the ground. "There you go."

Emily giggled, grabbing Jenny's hand firmly in her own. "Your beard is scratchy, it tickles. C'mon, Aunt Jenny, let's go find Uncle Tom, he said he had a prize for me."

Jenny waved to Jethro as she was pulled away, calling over her shoulder. "See you Monday, Jethro!" She followed Emily through the crowds of people, weaving in and out.

"Do you like Uncle Jethro, Jenny?" Emily's question brought Jenny up short.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked if you liked Uncle Jethro."

"Oh. Yes, I like him, he's a very nice man, and he's very good at his job. Why do you ask that?" Jenny tilted her head, confused.

"Well…" Emily shuffled her sandaled feet, glancing down at the ground. "I thought maybe you and Uncle Jethro could date, and then you'd be like a real Aunt and Uncle."

"Oh. Right." Jenny swallowed, glancing over her shoulder at Jethro, who stood alone again in his corner. "Why specifically Jethro and I? There's plenty of other ladies around, Emily, I'm sure your Uncle Jethro has a girlfriend already."

"Nope. He don't never date anybody, he's always by himself when he comes over for Sunday dinner with Daddy. 'Sides, you gots a house, 'an Uncle Jethro doesn't. He needs a nice place to stay, he's only got a little bedroom at Daddy's office. You've got a big house, Uncle Jethro could live with you." Emily seemed pleased with her logic, smiling widely. "And, I think Uncle Jethro likes you. He keeps lookin' at you when he thinks you're not lookin', an' he gets that funny smile Daddy and Uncle Tom get around Mommy and Aunt Anna."

"Oh, I see." Jenny was stunned at the high degree to which Emily seemed to have planned this all out. "So you think Uncle Jethro and I should date so he can live in my house."

"Well, yeah, an' 'cause you sneak looks at him too. You guys would make a great Aunt and Uncle, an' then I can have some cousins to play with if ya get married like Mummy and Daddy."

"Ri—iight. Okay. Um…well, nothing's happening right now, but maybe we'll see, Emily." Jenny swallowed heavily at the mention of marriage. "Let's go find Uncle Tom, okay?"

"Okie dokes." Emily grinned happily, taking her hand again as they wound their way through the crowd. "Jenny?"

"Hm?"

"Are you gonna ask Uncle Jethro out? 'Cause if ya don't, I can ask him to ask you."

"I—I don't know, Emily, maybe, alright?" Jenny stifled a low sigh. Tobias' little girl really did have everyone wrapped around her little finger.

* * *

_**A/n: Hey, guys sorry about not updating TGS and SOMW, this little bugger hit me the other day, and I wrote it down in the hopes of getting the plot out of my head. We'll see how this one goes.**_

_**A few explanations: **_

_**1) Gibbs never joined NCIS after Shannon and Kelly's deaths, which means subsequently that Jenny never joined his team. Abby, Tony, Ziva, etc. will NOT make an appearance in this story, although McGee will, as a member of Jenny's intelligence analysis team at the FBI.**_

_**2) Tom Morrow and Tobias Fornell will play a minor role in this story, as the owners of the construction company Gibbs works for. Gibbs never married after Shannon, Diane and Tobias are happily married. Morrow stands in as a sort of Uncle to Jenny, as a longtime friend of her father.**_

_**3) The scar on Gibbs' face will be an integral part of this story, and will be fully explained later. **_

_**4) Yes, there will be Jibbs eventually.**_

_**Hope you like it! Please leave a review, tell me what you think!**_

_**-meg**_


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